"In 2008, family-law and domestic-violence experts held a conference to increase understanding and effectiveness in dealing with this serious problem. They concluded that there are actually four distinctly different types of domestic violance (Kelly and Johnson 2008).

Battering

Also known as coercive controlling violence, battering involves a pattern of power and control by one partner and a pattern of fear in the victim partner. There may not be frequent violence , but when the violence occurs, it can be severe and result in bruises, broken bones, and death. The victim often becomes isolated, loses self-esteem, and finds it very hard to leave. Batterers are primary male, although perhaps 25 percent are female, with the same dynamics against their male partner. Most batterers seem to have characteristics of borderline, narcissistic, or antisocial personalities.

Courts commonly order batterers treatment groups for batterers, which may last twelve, twenty-six, or fifty-two weeks, depending on your court system. These programs are generally helpfull for batterers with borderline or impulsive narcissistic traits, because they learn how to prevent the buildup of anger and how to challenge the cognitive distortions that lead them to blame their spouses and justify violence. Batterers who have antisocial or controlled narcissistic traits are less affected by these treatment programs, because they don´t see themselves as having an 'anger management' problem; they are able to manage their anger very well to achive their own selfish purposes.

Situational Couple Violence

This type of domestic violence is the most common type. Instead of a pattern of power and control, both parties in the couple have difficulties resolving conflict peacefully and get into pushing and shoving types of behavior, sometimes with injuries. Neither party lives in fear of the other, and the violence is generally less severe. Research shows that men and women engage in this type of violence fairly equally and they are less likely to have PDs than batterers.

Separation-Instigated Violence

Sometimes there are one or two incidents at the time of separation, but not prior history of violence. Both parties may engage in this behavior, and it is fairly equal among males and females.

Violent Resistance

Violent resistance is the term used when a victim of a batterer fights back, sometimes injuring the usual perpetrator. Sometimes, batterers set up a spouse to fight back, then call the police. Sometimes victims get arrested because of one injury to the batterer, while the batterer gets away with noumerous injuries on other occations that the victim does not report.

Unfortunately, while many counselors are now aware of the four types of domestic violance, many lawyers and judges are not. Some have presumptions that any incident of domestic violence is always a sign of a batterer, and they treat it very severly. Others have presumptions that minimize domestic violence, and they assume it will stop on its own. Both unofficial presumptions can be terribly wrong, but in the adversarial process, with huge caseloads and little training, judges have to make on-the-spot decisions, and unofficial presumptions exist, wheter they are recognized or not."

(Bill Eddy, Splitting - Protecting yourself while divorcing someone with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, sidan 121-123)