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The narcissist often behaves very differently in public situations from private situations (i.e. his or her public persona is very different from his or her private persona). The public persona is typically very charming (perhaps designed to generate admiration) while the private persona can appear to be quite aggressive. Most people only witness the public persona and do not see the private persona, and therefore have a very distorted perception of the narcissist's true character… A narcissist will often expect others to fit in with the narcissist's plans. Some narcissists may try to modify the plans of others, but will often use charm to obtain the necessary consent to change their plans. The narcissist reacts badly when any aspect of his/her freedom is threatened or when his/her plans are thwarted... When a narcissist is interrupted, confronted or contradicted, he or she may suddenly develop narcissistic rage… Narcissistic rages are based on fear and will endure even after the threat is gone. To the narcissist, the rage is directed towards the person that they feel has slighted them; to other people, the rage is incoherent and unjust… Two specific identified forms of narcissistic rage are explosive and passive-aggressive. The explosive form being an obvious anger, for example, damaging property (or people) and being verbally abusive. The passive-aggressive sort might be sulking or giving their target the silent treatment. They can become enraged to the point of being homicidal especially if he/she has the need to seek revenge.”      -



”The material on Narcissistic Personality Disorder that is published for lay readers is not very informative, even though most people have had to cope with a narcissist at one time or another. If you were raised by a narcissistic parent, then you've been taught that the narcissist is always right and you're the one who's wrong. A lifetime of such mistreatment typically instills lack of confidence in your own judgment, along with habitual shame at never getting it right or being good enough to deserve the air that you breathe. The children of narcissists may not have realized that the quirks and oddities of their impossible-to-please parents are not in any way unique or special but are in fact the symptoms of a personality disorder.”  


“They get mad at them but for some reason end up feeling guilty themselves. They confront them about their behavior, only to wind up on the defensive. They get frustrated because they find themselves frequently giving in when they really wanted to stand ground, saying “yes” when they mean to say “no”, and becoming depressed because nothing they try seems to make things better. In the end, dealing with this person always leaves them feeling confused, exploited and abused. After exploring the issues in therapy for a while, they eventually come to realize how much of their unhappiness is the direct result of their constant but fruitless attempts to understand, deal with, or control their manipulator`s behavior” (In Sheep`s clothing, preface ix)


Not all abusers have a Personality Disorder; conversely, not all people who have a Personality Disorder are abusers. However, abusers often share many traits with people who have Personality Disorders, and often understanding how to interact or deal with people with these disorders can also be helpful when dealing with an abuser. It appears that the most common Personality Disorder among abusers is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).” (


“We all have to deal with difficult people. Some days we can be pretty difficult ourselves. Recognizing the difference between normal difficulties and personality disorders can be crucial to decisions about entering new relationships and continuing existing relationship.”  (



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